Tag Archives: bedtime

A Day in the Life of a Mommy.

7:00am – That damn alarm goes off. Rat Bastard.
7:07am – Fully dressed & ready for the day, I go wake the 6-year old tropical storm for school. The 3-year old is up already.
7.15am – Make it downstairs by carrying each child individually.
7:16am – First tantrum of the day because the 3-year old’s pancakes are too hot. Thankfully, the 6-year old takes them.
7.17am – Tantrum escalates higher when I refuse to give the 3-year old a chocolate sandwich for breakfast.
7:20am – Peace negotiations calm the escaped mental patient as we agree to “hot chocolate coffee” which is warm milk with Ovaltine served in a cup.
7:25-7:50am – Make sure 6-year-old is dressed, brushed teeth & hair, while persuading 3-year-old that I am not abandoning him.
7:50-8:20am – Drive oldest to school.
8:25am – Make coffee for me.
8:26am – Youngest needs to play doctor and examine me.
8:30am – Listen to hubby rant about work. Drink my coffee while he talks. Wonder if it’s too early to put Bailey’s in my coffee.
8:49am – Hubby leaves for work. Mental patient is satisfied that I am in situ and goes to the backyard to write letters & numbers with chalk.
8:50am – I sit down.
8:51am – Youngest demands to get dressed. Dress him but he dislikes his shirt intensely and demands another one. I allow this to occur because he has only about 5 shirts that he will wear and today, I tried a new one unsuccessfully.
8:53am – Go upstairs to get an approved shirt and notice that my husband has not made our bed (again, as in every.damn.day) even though he is the last one out. Make our bed. Grab green shirt for the boy.
8:57am – Put a bandage on the number 4 repeatedly.
9:00am – Check bank balance to see if I have enough money in checking for small grocery shop.
9:07am – Put Pocoyo on TV so that I can stare in hopelessness at the kitchen I need to clean up.
9:15am – Receive call about some tax news. Have nervous breakdown and begin research while I plonk kid in front of TV.
10:25am – Clean kitchen.
10:40am – Feed the beast.
10:50am – Check coupons for shopping.
11am – Pack up rugrat and head to store.
12:35pm – Back from store and have to convince 3-year old child that I cannot deliver Christmas today.
12:36pm – Unpack groceries and begin cleaning the kids’ bedroom. I don’t look in the playroom. That would be scary.
1:58pm – Have some lunch for myself and the smallie.
2:05pm – Begin searching online for Christmas toys.
2:15pm – Actually spend time snuggling, tickling & kissing my son.
2:45pm – Leave to pick up oldest from school. On the way home, discuss with her how a star didn’t make the apartment building currently under construction.
3:15pm – Home, snack, and start doing the week’s homework. This takes an abnormally long time today because we normally can do a whole week’s worth of homework in 45 minutes. But today took two hours because she needed everything to be perfect and I refused to spell out words for her (suggested to me by her teacher). As soon as I walked away, saying I was starting dinner, she completed all the remaining homework in 5 minutes. More than had been done the previous hour. All the while, I had to keep the 3-year old away from his sister. At one point, he found the numbers on the printer in Daddy’s office and decided to wreak havoc on it. So when I locked him out of the office, another epic 10-minute tantrum started. I’m surprised someone didn’t call the cops for the length, volume and pitch of his screams. Sigh. I need a drink.
5:15pm – Start cooking dinner. I am taking the bowls and utensils directly from the clean dishwasher, because I have neither the energy or motivation to actually empty it at this point. It’s pasta tonight because it’s easy and both of them will eat it.
5:37pm – The boy refuses to eat the pasta.
5:40pm –  He declares his bum is sore and needs cream. Oh joy. The excitement just never ends.
5:43pm – Begin picking up the strewn toys all over the floor that the escaped mental patient threw while I was doing homework with the kindergartener.
6:00pm – Make daughter’s lunch for school tomorrow and save in fridge.
6:09pm – Begin the mental countdown to kids’ bedtime. It used to be 7:30pm but I found that 7pm worked just oh so much better for me.
6:10pm – Try to breathe slowly to lower my blood pressure. TV is on and three shows have been declared. One hour to go. One hour to go. I can make it. I can do this.
6:15pm – Begin texting husband who does bedtime routine that the clock is ticking.
6:16pm – I sit down and play Candy Crush to escape reality for 5 minutes.
6:25pm – play with the kids, lots of laughter, kisses and tickles.
7:15pm – World starts falling apart (youngest is so tired now). Daddy on his way home so bedtime will be soon.
7:20pm – Chaos ensues so I usher everyone to the bathroom for teeth and potty. We’re done here.I sit in precious silence as Daddy takes to them in their bedroom.
7:30pm -8:00pm – Silence over. Daddy is done with bedtime. Talking with hubby about our day.
8:00pm – 9:30pm – ME TIME.
9:30pm – Head to bedroom and contemplate having a shower that I desperately need, but just have no motivation for.
9:45pm – Go to bed, catch up on Facebook, take a deep breath.
10.45pm – Sleep. Hopefully.

unnamed (1)

Single Moms.

I salute you. I tip my hat to you. I raise you above my shoulders in celebration, because I have no idea how the hell you do it.

My husband has been away for a week, so it’s just been me and the kids. And it’s by the sheer grace of God that they live. There is no break. No one to vent to. No one to field the ever present tantrum to. No one else to do bedtime, breakfast, bathtime, playtime, you name it. Our bedtime events have been nothing short of catastrophic because by the end of the day, I’m a disastrous mound of stress.

nature 2_0In the morning, the hours spread out ahead of me like a looming guillotine. Hours that I have to fill, balance and moderate until the mental patients are asleep. And then we do it all over again the next day. I have a hard time managing even when I know this situation is only temporary. To do this permanently would send me to the same mental institution that my children escaped from.

It astounds me, you astound me, that you do this every single day with no respite. You simply are amazing.

I’m a Schmuck.

994710_10151975608633860_692108589_nMy patience is not never-ending, and by the end of the day, I’m usually pretty frayed.  Which is why I absolutely suck at the bedtime routine. The slightest, always probable obstacle to a smooth bedtime process puts me in the foulest of moods and I end the night being angry at my children. I don’t ever want to end a day like that, and too often on the days that I put them to bed (thankfully rare), that’s how it ends up.

Normally, the spirited one (5 years old) is bouncing off the bed or doing handstands against the wall. The youngest (3 years old) is exhausted and just wants to go to sleep, but the squealing upside down tornado prohibits this. As I soothe him with belly rubs, the hurricane is belting out Jingle Bells and it’s only when I get angry that she slows herself down a little. Only then will she try to whisper Jingle Bells. So that’s how it ends. Me angry. Feeling like a schmuck.

Inevitably, my guilt burns at me and I have to go check on them a while later, to kiss their little faces and tell them how much I love them. Best case scenario is they are both asleep. But tonight, the typhoon was still awake. Frankly, I’m not sure tranquilizer darts would work on her. So I snuggled her for half an hour, kissed her face over and over, told her how much I loved her. But I still wish it was different. No, I wish I was different.

I’m tired of punishments. I’m tired of taking away whatever the flavor of the day is in order to get the behavior I want. I’m tired of making threats and having to carry them through. I’ve gotten much better during the day but I’m still ragged by the end of the evening.   I want an alternative to “do XYZ or else . . .” but I have no idea what that alternative is.



How To Put A Toddler To Bed in 100 Easy Steps

How To Put A Toddler To Bed in 100 Easy Steps

Author: The Honest Toddler

  1. Announce that it’s time to go to bed.
  2. Wait for your toddler to stop crying

  3. Explain that  bedtime is not a punishment

  4. Explain that bedtime is not a new concept.

  5. Explain that, yes, bedtime will happen every night.

  6. Console your toddler.

  7. Announce that it’s still bedtime.

  8. Let your toddler know that we don’t call names in this house.

  9. Tell your toddler it’s time to go upstairs.

  10. Watch your toddler move at a snail’s pace.

  11. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.

  12. Pick up your toddler.

  13. Walk your toddler upstairs.

  14. Pick out the wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler

  15. Pick out another wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler

  16. Explain that the right pair of pajamas are in the wash.

  17. Explain that you will not be doing a load of laundry this evening

  18. Console your toddler while he/she cries

19 Explain that in this house we don’t call names

  1. Watch your toddler struggle to get into his/her pajamas
  • Ask your toddler if you can help.

  • Continue watching your toddler struggle.

  • Watch your toddler try to wear a pair of pants like a shirt.

  • Console your toddler.

  • Put the wrong pair of pajamas on your toddler.

  • Announce that it’s time to brush teeth.

  • Explain the benefits of dental hygiene.

  • Console your toddler.

  • Carry your toddler into the bathroom.

  • Put a microscopic amount of toothpaste (poison) on to the toddler toothbrush.

  • Wet toothbrush.

  • When your toddler opens his/her mouth 1/45th of an inch wide, attempt to clean teeth

  • Your toddler will attempt to spit in the sink, but will actually spit on the counter. Clean it up.

  • Console your toddler.

  • Ask your toddler to pick out two books.

  • Toddler will pick out the two longest books in your home.

  • Read the first line of every third page of the two books.

  • Field unrelated questions and interruptions.

  • Tell toddler it’s time for a goodnight kiss.

  • Toddler will be suddenly and urgently thirsty, give toddler a small drink of water.

  • Toddler will ask a question. Answer question.

  • Say “goodnight” and kiss toddler.

  • Toddler will ask for a hug. Hug toddler.

  • Toddler will take up a sudden interest in potty training and ask to use the bathroom. It’s poop.

  • Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that there is no poop.

  • Todder may become afraid. Assure toddler that there is nothing to be afraid of.

  • Toddler will ask a question about life. Answer question.

  • Toddler will need another hug and kiss. Give hug and kiss.

  • Toddler needs to urinate. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that toddler actually urinates.

  • Toddler requires a sticker for urinating successfully.

  • Put a sticker on toddler’s potty chart.

  • Toddler may want to tell you a brief ten minute story. Listen to story while backing out of the room.

  • Turn off the light.

  • Toddler remembers that he/she needs a special stuffed animal.

  • Ask where the stuffed animal is.

  • Toddler tells you it’s in the car. Find your keys and look in the car. It’s not there.

  • Look in the living room.

  • Look in the kitchen.

  • Look in the backyard.

  • Scout the neighbor’s property.

  • Find the toy in your toddler’s room, under the bed.

  • Ask toddler if he/she knew the toy was under their bed.

  • Toddler will ask for dinner. Explain to toddler that dinner ended hours ago.

  • Toddler will cry that he/she is hungry. Explain to toddler that he/she should have eaten said dinner.

  • Explain that we do not call people in this house names.

  • Toddler will ask for hug and kiss. Hug and kiss toddler.

  • Toddler will ask you to help arrange his/her pillows and blankets. Arrange pillows and blankets.

  • Toddler will ask you to three essay questions. Answer them.

  • 69.  Toddler will notice that the tag end of the blanket is next to his/her face and will kick it off.  Fix blanket, this time with care and precision.

    1. Toddler will ask for the hall light on. Turn on the hall light.

    2. Toddler will ask for another story. Explain that there will be no more stories.

    3. Toddler will ask what the plan for tomorrow is. Resist the urge to say, “I won’t be here. I’m running away tonight.”

    4. Tell toddler “goodnight.:

    5. Toddler will say his/her back, legs, or butt is itchy.

    6. At your discretion, try to relieve itchiness through lotion or wipes.

    7. Put toddler back in bed.

    8. Arrange blanket in the proper formation.

    9. Say goodnight.

    10. Toddler will say “Goodnight.”

    11. As you reach the door, toddler will inform you that he/she is not wearing socks.

    12. Choose the wrong pair of socks for your toddler.

    13. Choose another wrong pair of socks for your toddler.

    14. Choose the right pair of socks for your toddler.

    15. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on your toddler’s feet.

    16. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on your toddler’s feet.

    17. Get the right pair of socks the right way on your toddler’s feet.

    18. Use your last thread of energy to stand.

    19. Say “goodnight.”

    20. Toddler will say “goodnight.”

    21. As you leave the room, toddler will ask for a sip of water with pathetic sad look on face.

    22. Give toddler sip of water and beg to be released from this hades.

    23. Toddler will ask for a back rub/tapping.

    24. Tap toddler’s back until you lose feeling in your arm and your toddler seems tired.

    25. Slowly stop tapping. Stand up. Try to float out of the room.

    26. Toddler will look at you. Say, “it’s time to go to bed.”

    27. If toddler cries, pretend to be serious this time.

    28. Say “goodnight.”

    29. Act like you’re walking downstairs but just linger by the door, out of sight.

    30. Pray

    31. Walk downstairs
      You may now relax for 2-5 minutes before you’re called back in. Congrats!

    • See more at: http://www.thehonesttoddler.com/2014/03/how-to-put-toddler-to-bed-in-100-easy.html#sthash.5NQBOzn3.dpuf